This is Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s first go at the New Year’s Honours List having recently taken over from Tony Blair, and pretty dull reading it makes too.
Mr Brown seems a worthy man, if perhaps a little colourless. One of his very first actions - set out in “the Governance of Britain” was to commit neither to add to nor subtract from the final list of names recommended by the Main Honours Committee. In his speech in July 2006 at the launch of the book “Britain’s Everyday Heroes”, he said that the significant majority of honours should go to people who serve the community in community organisations such as schools, hospitals and the voluntary sector. And that seems to be pretty much what we’ve got. Everyday, in trumps.
Despite Mr Brown and his compendium of British Worthies there are however some interesting, if not bizarre gems amongst these everyday heroes, if you know where to look.
I’m particularly intrigued by the honouring with the medal of the Royal Victorian Order by the Queen and Prince Charles for services rendered by Messrs John Henderson and Barry Mitford, respectively. Mr Henderson’s occupation is listed as Yeoman Bedgoer and young Master Mitford is described as Page of the Backstairs. The mind boggles at the thought of quite what yeoman services Mr Henderson performs for his sovereign and I prefer not to dwell on what Master Mitford gets up to on the backstairs with Prince Charles. One had heard rumours that some kind of low rent behaviour was rife in the royal households.
I was further intrigued to spot an OBE awarded to a Mr Edward Wilson. Mr Wilson is described as a street cleaner and is being honoured for his services to hygiene by the City of Westminster. What conspicuous act of cleanliness would you think would warrant Mr Wilson receiving an OBE as opposed to an MBE, which is what the other ranks tend to get? Bit like the Beatles refusing their MBE’s until they got a knighthood. At least Sir Paul, that is. We still await the dubbing of Sir Ringo. Perhaps Mr Wilson as exemplar of the Prime Minister’s “everyday British hero”, told them to stuff their MBE, and said “I want an OBE or sod off”.
Meanwhile back to the main list. 2008 saw 972 people being honoured. No new Lords this year, just a handful of knights and a few new members of obscure Imperial orders, the rest being 235 OBE’s and 599 MBE’s. Despite the PM’s proletarian protestations the bulk of honours go as they always have done to military men and civil servants who’ve served their time without blotting their copy book and expect to get their gong. Empire or no, you can’t buck the system, even if there’s only England and Wales left.
That’s why, I suppose, actors, entertainers and sportsmen (sportspersons?) make up a large proportion of honours given to people anyone has ever heard of and perhaps why ex-PM Tony Blair with his common touch was so keen on Dame Elton, Sir Mick and all the rest. Gordon Brown on the other hand is a dour Scotsman and does things his way. It is perhaps fitting then that the most celebrated honorees in 2008 is a knighthood for chat show host Michael Parkinson and OBE for singer Kylie Minogue. Now Parky is a nice bloke, interviewed a lot of interesting folk, is a Yorkshireman and a miners son, so fits the bill nicely, but not exactly at the cutting edge of Britain’s show biz A list, would you say? And Kylie’s a pretty girl with a nice voice, but is she really up there with Dame Elton, Sirs Mick & Paul?
So who else do we have in the bag for 2008?
Professor Ian Wilmut is knighted for ovine services and for cloning Dolly the sheep. The head of Marks & Sparks, Stuart Rose gets knighted for doing God knows what in the High Street, designer Jasper Conran gets an OBE and in the sports arena, cricketeress Rachel Heyhoe gets an OBE, snooker World Champ John Higgins an MBE (“I hope it’s not all downhill from now on”, says a ‘thrilled’ Higgins) as does England’s rugby coach for reaching the World finals.
That brings us to the remaining thespians, sundry entertainers and scribes.
Top of the list is Gandalf himself, Sir Ian McKellan (68), who joins the exclusive Order of the Companion of Honour, which is restricted to 65 members including the Queen. Means some Honourable Companion must have kicked the bucket and they badly needed a gay wizard to make up the crew. Next a trio of luvvies of whom I’m well fond. That nittish old cad of comedy Leslie Phillips gets a CBE, as does the ever-watchable and talented character actress Julie Walters, while another talented old trouper, Roy Dotrice gets his OBE. Author and playwright Hanif Kureishi gets a CBE and actor Richard Griffiths (Daddy Muggle) an OBE. Barbara Broccoli and Michael Wilson, sibling team that resurrected the fortunes of that old sexist swine James Bond, both earn OBE’s for their pains. In the musical field jazzman and Ronnie Scott’s stalwart Stan Tracey gets a CBE as does someone called Beresford Romeo a.k.a. Jazzie B. Ian Anderson, frontman with the group Jethro Tull gets an MBE. What’s Jazzie B got that Jethro Tull doesn’t, I wonder?
I’ve mentioned about 20 people here, whom I’ve heard of. That leaves another 950 odd worthy souls whom neither I nor most other people will ever have heard of. Maybe it’s time to scrap the whole thing. The Queen, God Bless ‘er, can still keep her own perks list of Yeoman Bedgoers and Backstairs Pages. Maybe in a time when recognition strengthened the sinews of empire it all made some sense. A time when society beauties, high pols, royalty, the captains and the kings all made the news and thrilled the nation. Thank God, that’s all history and we live in a much more democratic world with the curse of empire lifted from British shoulders. Whatever nostalgia for days gone by people may have, materially at least most Britons should give thanks they live now, not then.
So to make it all more interesting I suggest the British Government takes all the money and honours and instead stages the annual World Awards Gala or WAG, open to celebs everywhere and we all get to vote online. Tony Blair could have another shot at Cool Brittania and be the first MC. With handsome cash prizes and international hoopla it could outdo the Oscars and the Nobel Prize with the rich, the famous the beautiful and the talented all flocking to London to vie for their WAG’s.
And the WAG prize for Yeoman Services to a Monarch in 2009 goes to.........
