The Sentinel.
Mix the TV shows ‘The West Wing’ and ‘Twenty
Four Hours’ and you get this Hollywood political-thriller
movie, ‘The Sentinel’. Michael Douglas saves the
President and his sexy First Lady from assassination and disgrace.
The Woods.
Beautifully set in the mid-1960’s, Patricia Clarkson
stars in this brooding horror movie as a peculiar head-mistress
of an equally peculiar exclusive girl’s boarding-school,
where peculiar things are going on in the woods.
The Fallen Ones.
Casper Van Dien stars in this Saturday afternoon movie matinee,
as an ‘Indiana Jones’ like archeologist overseeing
a dig where a gigantic mummy is uncovered. An ancient Egyptian
God turns up to orchestrate the mayhem.
The Devil Wears Prada.
Meryl Streep and Anne Hathaway are both fantastic in this
highly amusing comedy, in which a clunky girl scores a job
as a personal assistant to a high-powered and demanding editor
of a successful New York fashion magazine.
Take the Lead.
Based on real events, Antonio Banderas instills some discipline
and much needed values into a group of delinquent New York
high-school students, by teaching them classical ballroom
dancing. “Kick-one-two-three-kick, again”.
Kokoda.
Once more the Australian Cinema attempts to glorify a military
fiasco for which Australian soldiers are famous. This time
it is the Kokoda Trail in Papua New Guinea, and the invading
‘invisible’ Japanese army. Ho-hum.
My Family And Other Animals.
Based on the book by famous zoologist Gerald Durrell, this
endearing movie tells of his childhood exploits while he and
his eccentric family enjoyed a sojourn on an idyllic Greek
island, prior to the outbreak of World War Two.
The Moguls.
Mix ‘Calendar Girls’ with ‘The Full Monty’
and you get this dreary movie, ‘The Moguls’. A
group of misfits in a small backwater American town use themselves
in a stupid get rich quick scheme to make a pornographic movie.
Just My Luck.
A ‘lucky’ New York socialite and an ‘unlucky’
handsome man meet at a masquerade ball. They kiss, and horror
of all horrors, exchange ‘luck’. Donald Petrie
creates an amazingly boring movie, starring Lindsay Lohan.
Gideon’s Daughter.
Bill Nighy, Miranda Richardson and Emily Blunt, all perform
superbly in Stephen Poliakoff’s excellent British movie
about a PR guru’s relationship with his daughter, set
during the turbulent times of Princess Diana’s death.
Confetti.
This is a rather luke-warm British comedy that tries to send-up
‘reality television’. To boost sales a bridal
magazine hosts a competition to find ‘The Most Original
Wedding of the Year’. Everything about the movie is
obvious.
The Great New Wonderful.
This is an extremely boring movie about five separate sets
of characters and stories all dealing with New York life,
a year after the attacks of 9/11. Just as you think the film
is finally getting underway, it comes to an abrupt dull end.
Edmond.
Director Stuart Gordon expands David Mamet’s stage-play
into a horrifying allegory about alienated modern life. William
H. Macy is superb as a bland business-man, who’s spontaneous
night on the town turns into a nightmare.
Bigger than the Sky.
There is nothing more boring than movies about amateur theatre
companies and amateur theatrical productions. Everyone in
them is always too big and too grand. This movie is no exception.
It puts you right off amateur theatrics.
Phat Girlz.
Mo’nique is a ‘big’ African-American comedienne.
She stars in this comedy about a fashion designer who finds
love with a Nigerian doctor, who values the ‘larger’
woman. This movie will cure your binge-eating once and for
all.
Sugar.
On his eighteenth birthday a suburban boy heads into town
and connects with some male hustlers. One stud takes his fancy,
but, as ‘crack’ addiction emerges, true love begins
to fade. A frank look at homosexual promiscuity.
Bailey’s Billions.
An eccentric billionaire leaves her fortune to her pet dog,
and disinherits her nephew and his greedy wife. They plot
to get their hands on the inheritance. Jennifer Tilly and
Tim Curry are deliciously wicked as the avaricious pair.
Bottoms Up.
Paris Hilton has a dreadful new movie out which is to be avoided
at all costs. However, Season 4 of her ‘reality’
TV show ‘The Simple Life’ is available. It is
hilarious. Paris and Nicole fight all the way through it.
Fans will love it!
The Business.
Extenuating circumstances send a young gangster to Spain to
be trained by an ex-pat British criminal ‘Boss’.
I am getting a bit sick of these graphically violent and vocally
obscene movies which always try to venerate mobsters.
Lower City.
Somewhere in South America a prostitute plies her trade on
the rusty cargo ships working their way down the coast. This
pointless movie doesn’t have the same impact as its
director Sergio Machado’s ‘The Motorcycle Diaries’.
The Wind That Shakes The Barley.
Renowned British director Ken Loach creates a dramatic movie
about the guerrilla armies fighting for independence in 1920’s
Ireland. But, the Irish brogue is so thick that even with
subtitles the film is impossible to follow.
Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World.
Film-maker and comedian Albert Brooks is sent to India and
Pakistan by the American government, on a mission to discover
what makes Muslims laugh. Brooks creates a ‘pseudo-documentary’
to showcase his ‘stand-up’ routines.
When Do We Eat?
A large dysfunctional American Jewish family come together
to celebrate the Passover Seder. Dad is intentionally slipped
some Ecstasy. Mum invites along her militant Israeli boyfriend,
and everybody goes blah-blah-blah a lot.
Four Dead Batteries.
Four stand-up comedians have an ‘improvisational’
comedy act which they use as an excuse to air their emotional
problems, concerning their wives, lovers and failed relationships.
Another movie which is just blah-blah-blah.
The Kid & I.
Director Penelope Spheeris creates a semi-biographical movie
about fading comedian Tom Arnold, in which he is hired by
a billionaire to write a movie for the billionaire’s
mentally and physically challenged son. Enough said.
The African Queen.
Katherine Hepburn is a prim spinster and Humphrey Bogart a
drunken tramp steamer captain. Together they sail down an
African river at the outbreak of World War One, in John Huston’s
beloved 1952 romantic-adventure classic.
