In Bali, the common and also the most respectful way get engaged is for the man to ask for consent by approaching her parents. This is known as memadik or ngerangkat in Balinese. In such a case, once the couple has decided that they are right for each other and truly love each other, the suitor (purusa) meets with the family of the woman (pradhana). Of course, sometimes there are other factors involved, such as strengthening family ties by marrying a distant family member or marrying into a family of wealth and so forth.
Before he approaches the woman’s family, he must tell them his intentions, so that preparations can be made for the encroaching occasion. This involves giving her gifts such as clothes, jewellery, or make up, depending on the circumstances. These are called paweweh or penangsek, which can be roughly translated as ‘items which bind’. Once she has received all of the gifts, the couple is officially engaged, called magelan in Balinese.
What happens if they break up?
If it’s the woman’s fault, she must return all the gifts to the man and then double it. If it’s the man’s, however, she doesn’t need to give anything back.
Once they’re engaged, an auspicious day for the wedding is chosen, customarily by a high priest (pedanda). As soon as possible after this, the man and his family will ask for the woman’s hand in marriage. This is known as memadik daha in Balinese. An auspicious day is also chosen, so as to avoid negative influences in the real (sekala) or the surreal world (niskala) from those who disapprove of the ensuing wedding.
Once the woman’s family has agreed on the wedding, another auspicious day is chosen for the woman to be taken away from her home by the man’s family. In this final stage, the man doesn’t come along.
Next issue: What happens next?
Copyright@ Kulture Kid 2005
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