Pagi Bu, Pak Wayan ada? Morning, is Wayan in?
Nggak, dia keluar… No, he’s gone out…
Kemana? Where to?
Nggak tahu… Dunno…
If you live in Bali and you have Balinese friends, you’ll be sure to have a conversation like this on a regular basis. You’ll be looking for someone, but they’ve gone out—and no one seems to know where to. For those of us who come from cultures where it’s normal to let someone know where you’re going, this situation can seem a little weird and possibility slightly disconcerting. How could you conceive of just walking (actually probably ‘riding’) out without saying where you’re going, especially to your own wife? What if someone comes to visit or look for them? What if someone phones them? What if there’s an emergency? What if they have an accident? What if, what if, what if?
The Western preoccupation with worrying about ‘what-ifs’ doesn’t seem to exist in Bali. In fact, I’ve learned to accept that a lack of communication between family members is pretty much the norm, especially if you’re a man. Bali’s men have that enviable privilege of taking off somewhere without ‘checking out’.
It can be a little frustrating if you really need to track someone down, especially if they haven’t got a mobile phone. In this situation, I normally opt to enquire further about Pak Wayan’s probable destinations. However, this can bring up a real mixed bag of endless possibilities: work, at the temple, gambling, buying some food, drinking coffee with friends at the warung across the road, practising or playing gamelan, taking or picking up the kids from school, hanging with his mates in the banjar, etc. If they really have no idea, don’t bother leaving a message because that probably won’t get to him anyway, as different members of the household go in and out without crossing paths. A written message is also likely to be a futile effort. Ah well, you can always come back ‘besok’.
