Everyone comes to the dreaded juncture – the point at which one’s long term relationship has gone from feeling ecstatic to static. Where has all the rapture gone and how can we get back even a few remnants of those passionate moments that we once shared with our partners?
Most of us have bought into the idea of the make-believe romance which is portrayed in films. Many women expect flowers and candy on Valentine’s Day or candlelit dinners on their birthdays with a bubble baths followed by a sensuous massage. Those romantic interludes seem to slip away over time as couples settle in to their routines, have children, etc.
In some cultures such as Indonesian society, romance is not very high on the ladder of importance, as many Asians are more reserved about expressing love verbally or overtly. What little romance there may have been at the beginning of the relationship will have surely dissipated after a few years of marriage. This may mean that one partner, (and bear with me here because I think romance is a tad more important to westerners) most likely the westerner will end up feeling disillusioned and yearning for something more.
Dissatisfaction begins to slowly creep in like a toxic fume lingering in the air but not quite visible. Before we allow ourselves to become truly unhappy with our partners, here are some tips to get the spark back and rekindle the love you once felt for one another.
Try to remember what made you originally fall in love with your partner. Was it his or her sense of humor? The way he or she complimented you after you made a special effort to get dressed up? Whatever it was, see if your partner will be willing to recreate this for you again.
Laughter truly is one of the best cures for whatever ails you. If you want to be happy then spend more time laughing with your partner and not taking things too seriously. This especially holds true for Indonesians who are always joking around.
With the abundance of nature here in Bali, there is a wide array of places to go for long walks with your partner whether on a beautiful beach in southern Bali or through verdant rice fields in Ubud, being together in nature can be a wonderful stimulus for stirring up romantic feelings.
Go on a romantic get-away to some place neither of you have ever been before. Bring along your favorite music, fruit, wine, candles and incense to get you both in the mood.
There is a vast choice of spas in Bali offering wonderful couples’ treatments which will deeply relax both of you sending the two of you on a sensory adventure which is certain to titillate your body and mind. Make this a regular treat for the two of you several times a year and I guarantee your love life will get steamy.
Write a list of 50 things you’d love to do with your partner and give it to him or her. Make a commitment that each week one of you will get to do something from your list.
Many people’s feelings for their partners have a tendency to ebb and flow, so try not to panic if you are experiencing a lull in your relationship. If there is one thing that I have learned about being married to a Balinese man, is that while on the surface their emotions may appear to be calm and dispassionate, in truth their feelings run very deep. The key is to try to stay in tune with the subtleties of love that your partner expresses in the little things he or she does – the cup of coffee he makes for you when you first wake up, the smile she offers you after you have come home from a hard day at work, the spontaneous offer to fix the sandals that you’ve been asking him to glue for weeks. These are the things that while ordinary, are still genuine acts of love; when we can fully appreciate the little things are partners do for us, this will go a long way for preserving the love in our relationships and keeping those fires burning.
For questions or comments feel free to email:
ibulinarose@yahoo.com
