Taking the Road less Traveled: the Positive Side of Bi-cultural Relationships
Many of my friends who are also in bi-cultural relationships would agree that being married to someone from another culture certainly has its challenges. Most of us came into our relationships with different religions or spiritual practices than our respective partners. In addition, the Indonesian law requires both people to be the same religion before they can legally marry, so many of us have had to convert to our husband’s religion. For some women this is a big sacrifice to make, but fortunately for me my spiritual beliefs were already in line with Dewa’s. He is a Hindu and I have always been interested in Eastern religions since I was a university student back in Canada. Those were the days when I was doing a lot of searching and questioning my faith as an Episcopalian.
As I write this column I ask myself to look deeply at what is good about my relationship with Dewa. I can not speak for all cultures or even all Indonesian men, but generally I find that Balinese men are wonderful fathers. This has been my experience with Dewa and several of my other expatriate friends who are also married to Balinese. Children are so loved in this culture in ways that I don’t always see in the west. Now before you westerners begin to protest, it is undeniable that children are treated differently in the west in comparison to Bali. The Balinese have this innate ability to stay relaxed even when their children are throwing fits. Of course they get stressed just like the rest of us, but they always find a way to laugh things off when westerners do the opposite – we hold on to our stress for dear life, because this gives us justification for our foul moods or ill tempers.
The positive things I see in many bi-cultural relationships are as follows:
Our partners seldom have preconceived notions about who we may or may not be and accept us for who we are.
We learn more tolerance for each other and grow from our rich cultural experiences with one another.
Life is always an adventure as each day brings something new to our relationships.
Our children have the unique experience of being from two cultures, which helps them to adapt to many diverse situations in life.
Through our differences we strive even more to build a loving and solid relationship.
We come to understand that if our love for our partners supersedes cultural differences then maybe it will be possible for other people in the world to rise above their prejudices.
Yes it’s true that sometimes it’s hard for many of us to be far away from our family and friends back home, but I also feel that I have made a new home here in Bali with my husband and children. Our life is simple, but I like it that way. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
For questions or comments feel free to email: ibulinarose@yahoo.com
