Our Astro vision crashed last week and when I called to ask them to repair it, I realized that I was no longer interested in watching repeats, mediocre movies or hearing the screeching sounds of cartoon characters on the Cartoon Network. It was time to make a change, so I said with conviction, “Never mind about sending someone out to fix our box, can you please just disconnect our service.” It was done with those few words, and for the first time I felt a sense of relief that the TV would no longer be a dominating factor in our lives.
Soon after the end of our Astro service, a friend of mine suggested that my husband Dewa might want to read the Indonesian translation of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Since the distraction of the TV had been removed, I thought it was worth a try. I gave it to Dewa saying, “I’d really like you to read this. I think it might be helpful for us.” He agreed and I left it at that.
To my surprise, that evening he picked up the book and read it for an hour or so. Then the next morning he did the same and continued reading it after dinner. He had suddenly become an avid reader. I finally got up the courage to ask him what he thought about the book, and he told me it was very interesting; he admitted that he had no idea that men and women thought so differently about so many things. The book had helped him gain insight about the mysterious workings of women’s minds. In fact he liked it so much, that he asked me if I would read it with him so that we could discuss it together. I was smiling on the inside and out, because one book had had such a big effect on Dewa. So much so, that now the door had opened up for us to discuss some important issues that we were dealing with in our own relationship.
While I feel it is true that men and women are different in their styles of communicating and even the way in which we analyze situations, there is something that we have in common – we both yearn to be understood. In bi-cultural relationships things are even more challenging, because the differences in our first languages can add more confusion to our interactions. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, by John Gray, puts forth the idea that many of us make the mistake of thinking we can read the mind of our partners, or that they should be able to read our minds. Unless you’ve ranked high on an ESP test, this idea of mind reading is an illusion that we all need to let go of. The best way for us to really know what our partner is thinking is to just ask him or her. In most instances, they will tell us something which is totally different than what we had imagined. Our minds are very tricky, and if we aren’t careful we can create magnificent scenarios about our partners cheating on us, hating us or whatever else we can conjure up. These movie scripts will only serve to create unnecessary stress and suffering in our lives.
Another simple tool to elevate your relationship and leave you both feeling good is laughter yoga. According to Dr. Kataria 10 – 15 minutes of laughter every day will keep you healthy and happy. It’s simple and free and can be practiced anywhere. There are even several Laughter Yoga groups in Bali where many people come together to share in the joy of laughter.
The key to understanding and improving our relationship with our partners is to keep an open mind and be willing to try out new things. Whether this means reading a book that a friend recommends or participating in workshops that may help us expand our awareness, it’s essential to continuously work on our relationships in order to insure that they will be long lasting and fulfilling.
If you have questions or comments, please feel free to email: ibulinarose@yahoo.com
