Do your emotions dictate your character? Do you identify yourself based on your emotions? Do other people refer to you in terms of your emotional conditions? For example, she’s always so sensitive, watch how you speak to her. He’s a real hot-head; you may want to stay away. She is moody; you never know what you’re in for when you talk to her. There are many different types of emotions that unfold or erupt continuously in our lives that start from the moment we wake up each morning. But are you being run by your emotions and think that you have no other choice? Are you just reacting to circumstances and letting these circumstances dictate your course in life? Do you think that reality is what it is and you have no option but to respond the way you do based on the actions of others? Do you think that it impossible to ever have a good day because ‘other’ people can really screw things up for you? If so, you may want to start looking at a role reversal and start choosing the emotions that best work for you instead of letting your emotions dictate your path in life.
We may not realize how our emotions are creating our personal identity because the way we react has become a life-long habit which we don’t even realize anymore. Becoming angry at certain people or losing confidence with others may be so fully ingrained in our subconscious that it is now an automatic response that we don’t even question. For many people the way one responds or reacts to others and events have become a set way of life. A person looks at you the wrong way and boom! Suddenly your emotions become heated and you cannot stop thinking about how you want to get even. A co-worker on your team is lazy and you become discouraged and bitter toward the whole project. A lover is too busy to notice your new haircut and your self-esteem drops so drama is created to provoke attention. Our emotions are powerful and will often bring out the worst if we don’t learn how to control them.
So as we become aware of our emotional reactions, how do we control them? How can I stop being angry if someone does not match my expectations? How can I have more confidence among authority figures? How can I resist creating drama to get attention? There are many different conditions that evoke different emotional states and the key is to first become aware of what is triggering you and then how you are reacting to the trigger. Then ask yourself, why am I feeling this way? Not, why is that person acting that way. It doesn’t matter how the other person is acting. You cannot control other people. Focus on your own action and re-action. Your awareness is key. That being said, it is not always easy to change an emotion on a whim because after all, you have probably spent years reinforcing yourself to respond a specific way and it has become engrained in your psyche. But a quick way to start this change is to actually pretend you are feeling a different way, the way that you want to feel. If you are responding to an experience by feeling completely unmotivated for example, pretend that you’re very driven and motivated to get things going. If your emotions are bringing you sadness, pretend that you are happy and it will start to change. Studies have shown that our emotions can be influenced and even altered by simply changing something like our facial expression. From this perspective, you will begin to feel a sense of control which will allow you to make the fundamental changes. So remember, want to feel better and change your emotion? Start smiling or even laughing. Try it right now- without thought or reason.
As you learn the language of emotions, you will come to discover that emotions will no longer own and control you but you will own them. You will become free of uncontrollable responding and randomly reacting to people or situations and start living the life you choose to feel. You will be able to make deliberate choices and really engage in life and in the process… you may start to notice others around you changing to accommodate your good mood.
