She was a young mother out for a pleasant dinner with a few friends, in an up-market restaurant on a beach somewhere. She would stay for a while, but not late, as she wanted to get home to her children and her husband, for she was proud of her young family and would not leave them for long. She would call a taxi and wait on the street. She was not drunk or intoxicated and she was dressed modestly, her skirt was not short, her top was not cut low. Suzy (not her real name) was slightly built, petit, and rather shy. She stood in the shadow of a tree so as not to attract the attention of passers by as she waited for the taxi. She didn’t have time to turn around to see who had beckoned her from the shadows. She did not have the strength to release herself from the firm headlock grasp as she was dragged backwards to a nearby shack. The monster that crushed her neck and choked her could have been armed, but she could not see. Her heart beat like a frightened bird and she feared for her life as he raped her in the pitch blackness. She thought of her family. What would her husband think? Who would raise her children? What if they’d thought she’d deserted them? Who would find her beaten and broken body in the suns first light? But as he pushed her to the ground and thanked her (he spoke in English) for being silent, she realized the she was still alive.
She would tell NO-ONE. She would protect her husband and her children. She would not bring this disgrace into her family. At her home she showered three times, scrubbing every inch of her body until her skin was almost raw. In the morning she showered again and again as she tried to wash the horror of the assault from her life, but the horror remained. She made excuses for recoiling from her husband’s affection, and she was angry at herself for avoiding the arms of a man that truly loved her. Her children where confused at her tears and temper that they had never seen before, and she hated herself for not being the mother that she had always wanted to be. She began to feel sick in the stomach, and bitter with hatred, more so when she learned that the monster that had taken her had planted his seed, and his child was growing inside her. Still she would not tell. She slipped quietly away for a day to terminate the life she was never meant to bear. Weeks, months and years will go by, and if she is not properly counseled, the secret that she guards could destroy her and her family.
THIS IS A TRUE STORY. And where did it happen? Jakarta? Sydney? California? It happened at the southern end of SANUR BEACH, only a few weeks ago. The incident was never reported to the police, and the family concerned have now left the island. The above mentioned case is what most people imagine as the typical rape scenario; however rape or sexual assault can happen to anyone. Males, females, the old or the very young, and regardless of the situation it is a highly traumatic and devastating event to the victim. Sexual assault is defined as sexual contact with another person without consent and by force (compulsion). Victims (both men and women) of sexual assault can be compelled or forced to participate through fear, physical force, deception, other forms of coercion, or the use of intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs. Some forms of sexual assault do not require the use of force but are still considered criminal. Sexual assault has taken place if sexual contact has happened that has not been consented to in a conscious and voluntary way. Date rape: Date rape is a sexual assault that occurs when you already have a relationship with the person who assaulted you and you have agreed to be with that person to an extent, excluding any consent for sexual contact. Spouse rape: In some countries a husband can be accused of sexual assault on his own wife (spouse rape or rape within marriage). Although uncommon, a dysfunctional marital relationship can lead to both physical assault and sexual assault against a spouse. This is a form of domestic violence. In Indonesia, it is considered a man’s right to have intercourse with his wife, whether consented or not; however if sexual intercourse is forced, and the woman is injured in the process, then she may file for physical abuse rather than sexual abuse. Statutory rape: Statutory rape is sex with a minor. In Indonesia a minor is a person younger than 18 years. If the victim is below the age of 13 years the crime is not only sexual assault but pedophilia.
Preventing Sexual Assault
Take care at all times to identify people and situations that may lead to sexual assault. The chances of being a victim can be lowered by following these practices:
-Train in self-defense.
-Use common sense in choosing the people you associate with.
-Avoid potentially dangerous situations when outside or in your house (answering the door) and when interacting with strangers anywhere.
-Avoid intimate or solo contact with people that you do not know well.
-If a person is making unwelcome sexual advances, no matter how minor, take action in the earliest stages and make every effort to disassociate from that person.
-Use self-control when drinking alcohol. At social events, be careful about what you consume and who has access to your drinks.
-Avoid extreme intoxication in which you lose control, especially when you are not in a protected environment.
-Adopt an approach in dating and getting to know people that involve postponing being alone together, intimacy, and sexual interaction until you feel you have gotten to know the person very well.
-When intimacy is initiated between consenting parties, make limitations on what you want to do known, make them clear early in the encounter, and send clear messages to the other person about your feelings.
-Think about how you would react in an assault situation in advance and use that plan early and without reservation.
What to do in the event of sexual assault
When to resist - If you are able to think and act clearly, you can use psychological tactics, persuasive conversation, or physically attempt to extricate yourself from a dangerous situation. Physical resistance can be effective in the absence of weapons, particularly in date rape or spousal rape situations. Physical resistance can make certain sexual acts more difficult or even impossible to complete and clearly communicates no consent beyond any doubt. When not to resist – When the rapist threatens your life with the use of weapons or brutal force, resistance is likely to lead to a greater number of injuries, more serious injuries, and possibly death. Some victims correctly elect to submit. This does not in any way imply consent nor change the nature of the sexual assault. No reaction under these frightening and unfamiliar circumstances is incorrect. Resist as far as you are able, and then use survival tactics. Surviving an assault is the most important thing.
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Thank you to AUSTRINDO law office, Kuta Poleng for legal advice on this article.”
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Kim Patra is a qualified Registered Nurse and Midwife that has been living and working in Bali for almost twenty years. She now runs her own private practice and medical referral service from her Kuta office. Kim is happy to discuss any health concerns with you and she may be contacted via e-mail at info@chcbali.com”.
