Dorset Campbell-Ross: Nonviolent Communication Trainer
Dorset Campbell-Ross was born and raised in England, the son of a Navy commander and a movie actress. He spent much of his childhood confused about loving relationships due to constant fighting with his step father while attending boarding schools for nine years. He first visited Indonesia in 1970 on an overland trek from UK to Australia, landing in Sumatra and traveling through the archipelago to Timor for two months. On the way he fell in love with the people and the culture of Bali, where he was adopted by a family in the little fishing village of Kuta. There he celebrated his 19th birthday, returning again for his 20th and 21st. Over ten months, in 1971/72, he learned Bahasa Indonesia and began a life long study of spirituality.
What are your hobbies?
Playing music, composing, reading, writing, trekking, sailing and skiing.
What people have had the most profound influence in your life?
My mother, who gave me the confidence that I could achieve anything if I put my mind to it, and Marshall Rosenberg, creator of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), who gave me the keys to understanding communication and resolving conflict.
Have you read a book that has deeply affected your life?
A Course in Miracles changed my life and work by clarifying who I am and what love is.
How did you become interested in NVC?
Realizing the major problem in relationships is the breakdown in communication, I researched all conflict resolution processes. NVC stood out as being the most simple and practical. I’ve been studying it now for nine years.
What is NVC?
NVC is a process which people use to communicate with greater compassion and clarity. It aims to find a way for all parties to get what really matters to them without the use of guilt, humiliation, shame, blame, coercion or threats. It’s useful for resolving conflicts, connecting with others, and living in a way that is conscious, present and attuned to the genuine, living needs of yourself and others.
What does it take to become a certified NVC trainer?
3 to 4 years of study, attending and giving training sessions, receiving and integrating feedback, being monitored, and a final assessment examination.
What are the main differences between NVC and other types of popular conflict resolutions?
Because of its simplicity and practicality, NVC is easier to learn and remember, and has the added advantage of increasing awareness and understanding about what is motivating ourselves and others.
What are the most important steps in working out differences between people?
The four steps that can be applied to expressing ourselves honestly, hearing another empathically, or connecting with ourselves, are:
(1) Make factual observations that are leading you to feel the need to say something without evaluation or judgment.
(2) State the feeling that the observation is triggering in you. Or, guess what the other person is feeling, and ask.
(3) State the need that is the cause of that feeling. Or, guess the need that caused the feeling in the other person, and ask.
(4) Make a concrete request for action to meet the need just identified. Ask clearly and specifically for what you want right now, rather than hinting or stating only what you don’t want.
What was your earliest personal success using NVC principles?
Mediating a fast-escalating conflict between African refugees and Irish volunteers in Kilkenny, Ireland. On the first day the two leaders wouldn’t even look at each other when they entered the room. You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. After two hours I had elicited the needs of the African and, after some coaching, had the Irishman reflect them back.
By the second day, after 1-1/2 hours, the African had expressed his needs and the Irishman had reflected them back. It took half an hour to find the strategies that they could both agree to. They stood up, shook hands, agreed to work together, and then turned to me and said, “How did you do that?” I smiled and said, ‘Well, it’s this process called NVC”. Then one of them said, “Can you teach us that process? We need to learn that.” I said I could. Two days later I gave my first NVC training to 25 Africans and 25 Irish.
Out of the huge pool of people angry, conflicted and hostile with their fellow human beings in the world, how do you choose which people to work with?
I go where I am invited, and work first with those with the greatest need.
What’s the most unusual case you’ve ever taken on?
Managing the crisis centre at Sangla Hospital right after the Bali bomb in 2002. This experience resulted in my commitment to work for peace.
Have the principles of NVC ever been applied to the relations between nations?
In many of the world’s trouble spots - Rwanda, Bosnia, Serbia, Palestine, Israel and Sri Lanka.
Have you ever applied the practice of NVC in family situations or with people you are personally involved with?
I practice NVC with everyone in my life.
Have you ever applied your training in an Indonesian setting?
I’ve taught NVC in Aceh, Djakarta, Bali and Papua.
What happens in a NVC workshop?
My workshops include demonstrations, role play, small group work, music and lots of experiential exercises.
How may interested readers learn more about the work you do?
I’m giving 3 NVC trainings in Ubud – a two day workshop “From Conflict to Connection” on Aug 23/24, a one day workshop “Intimate Relationships” on the 30th, and a one day workshop “Parenting from the Heart” on Aug. 31st. For more info, call Glenn 0813 3867 9315 or Sybille 0812 3876 870 or email: buddhawithin@gmail.com.
Do you have any future plans?
Keep spreading peace by teaching NVC until there are no more wars and I’m redundant!
For anyone interested in being considered for Siapa, please contact: <pakbill2003@yahoo.com>
