Someone nudges my shoulder, and I look up sharply into a
smiling, crow-eyed face, quizzical pale blue eyes, long grey
hair scraped back in a bun. Like a leprechaun, he’s
not very tall, nimble legs dancing from foot to foot, dressed
simply in black sweat-pants, his face at my shoulder.
“ Er, I don’t know quite how to say this…”
he says, hesitantly. Immediately, I know exactly what he wants
to say. I recognise him as the guy who played classical guitar
beautifully last night at the end-of-year ‘sharing’
performance at the dance tribe I belong to. I’d sung
one of my songs, and plink plonked my way along on the guitar.
“Go on!” I encourage. “My name is James.
Can I help you with your guitar playing?” He asks, wincing
in case I’m offended. “Oh YES!” I reply.
“ Yes! I definitely need a hand!” He sighs in
relief and we grin conspiratorially.
“ I recognised you by your coat!” he exclaims.
(I’d had it slung on the back of the chair as I was
playing guitar). We are standing in the local ‘Oxfam’
shop (source of all things cheap, useful and second hand).
“I bought it here!” I say. My coat is synthetic
fur, snow leopard, incredibly warm and soft. Makes me feel
like Brigitte Bardot in that film with the dinosaurs. Essential
in the icy London wind. “There can only be one coat
like that in London, I thought!” he says.
I go to him the next day for a lesson. It’s funny,
I’ve been wishing for guitar lessons for a while, and
now the perfect teacher appears as if by magic. He lives doors
away, literally just around the corner!
James lives on the ground floor of a ‘mansion block’
– one of those classic rococco buildings that litter
West Hampstead, full of apartments. It’s dark and quiet
inside, his paintings on the walls – mysterious chequerboard
that fails from dark to light and seems somehow to just hang
in space. He’s well known as a painter, he says. Bare
floorboards, sweet scent of ‘Nag Champa’ incense.
We agree on the warmest place in the slightly draughty flat
and settle there by the dark window. James quickly explains
how I’m holding my hands stiffly in the wrong place
and gives simple yet enlightening instruction. I get what
he means straight away and it feels good.
Afterwards, we adjourn to the kitchen for spicy chai made
with red grape juice to give it a ‘kick’. Heady
and delicious, it’s a bit like mulled wine without the
alcohol. We talk very openly about what’s going on in
our lives. I feel like I’ve known him for years! James
shows me a copy of his ‘If it hurts, it isn’t
love’ book. By Chuck Spezzano, it has short, numbered
sections, a bit like the ‘I Ching’ (book of ancient
Chinese wisdom). “I pick a number for the day, then
open it and see what it says” he says. We talk about
‘temptation’.
The next day I buy myself a copy of the book, open it at
random at number 133. “A rule is self-punishment for
a mistaken belief I have about myself”. Hmmm. I do the
exercise (there’s one at the bottom of every section).
In three columns, I write down every rule I have in my relationship,
what I decided about myself in relation to the rule, and how
I am punishing myself. Phew! What a revelation! Aghast, I
uncover the ‘script’ I am presently following,
what is really driving me, and realise I have been unwittingly
recreating the horror of my parents relationship, up to and
around the time when my father killed himself. My parents
kind of got themselves stuck into a very negative pattern
and that was how my father finally got them out of it.
Perplexingly, recently I have been getting myself in all
kinds of financial go-arounds, getting myself from pleasantly
affluent into unpleasantly short of money, confused and tied
up… all because I’m kind of rerunning my parents’
script! Aaaargh!
Oh God! I am so grateful to have finally realised this! Now,
at last, I can do something about it!
Call Another Angel, Quick!
I contact another angel of mine, Jacqueline, and do a ‘Holographic
Repatterning’ (‘HR’) session with her on
the phone. It turns out that some of the ‘rule’
statements that I discovered when I worked with the Chuck
Spezzano book are optimal to work on now.
Through the magical HR process, which uses kinesiology or
the natural energy of the body/soul to choose a path, we come
to: ‘There is never enough time for me.’ This
statement has always been true for me, resulting as you might
imagine, in a lot of stress and rushing around!
‘ HR’ allows a kind of ‘re-programming’
of negative and non-coherent patterns and beliefs that are
unconsciously driving us.
Lying comfortably on my bed, watching myself in the big mirror
doors, we work on shifting the statement so that it is no
longer true for me anymore. We discover that ‘There
is never enough time for me’ has been true for males
in my family for the past fourteen generations. “Whaaat,
you mean, every male on my father’s side in my family
has felt this, going back about five hundred or seven hundred
years?” I ask Jacqueline. I feel sorry for all those
males, sharing the same stress that I feel now, for all that
time. “Wow. It’s amazing to suddenly feel my connection
way back to then. Men five hundred years ago. My ancestors.
Never really pictured my connection to them before.”
We heal the statement – amusingly it turns out that
reading some of my poetry is the perfect healing modality
to use. I pick the right piece by opening my book at random,
laughing at the incredible grace and serendipity of this process
(see a previous article for more). It’s so light! I
read a heavy heavy poem about abuse to Jacqueline as she ‘proxies’
my father (stands in for him) hearing it. We’ve actually
been working on this on and off over the past two years; Jacqueline
offered to hear it before, but the right time turns out to
be… now! It is strange that something that sounds so
difficult can be so light, even… enjoyable.At the end,
as part of the process I have to say aloud that ‘there
is never enough time for me’ is “cleared to fourteen
generations on the father’s side”. Doesn’t
feel like anything special but when I say it I burst out crying
and feel a tremendous rush of energy being released. And feel
thanks coming to me from all those guys, all those guys behind
me, all that time, all that time… Imagining all those
children whose fathers never had time for them…
Angels eh – they are all around us, all we need to
do is open ourselves to all they have to offer. Invite them
in. By our wishes and our deeds. If I hadn’t opened
to the risk of playing my song (however knowingly imperfect)
at the dance ‘sharing’, I’d never have met
James, would I?
Back to Angels
Anyway, back to angels (in a general sense)!! As you probably
already know, the ‘real world’ of worldly worries,
activities, work, home, family, friends and actions, is not
the ‘whole story’ of what goes on in life. There’s
a whole load of other stuff happening ‘behind the scenes’.
We glimpse this when we are asleep – we are in a different
state of consciousness and drift into different places…
Otherly ‘beings’ inhabit these hinter zones –
including souls that are disincarnate (ie not in a body at
this time) can communicate with us, advise us, help us, and
work with us. Working with us, they set up situations that
will manifest in our ‘real lives’ to help us grow
and learn.
These beings may be called ‘angels’ or ‘guides’.
They’re part of the same ‘soul stuff’ that
we are, they just happen not to be in the ‘real world’
physically right now. They may have a connection with past
lives and loves that you have shared, and they have your very
best interests at heart. Love is their motivation. (If you
ever sense a presence that does not seem positive and loving,
send it firmly away with the force of your intent).
Though, angels and guides can visit, be present in the real
world as a ‘presence’. They may also manifest
as real physical people (normal humans I mean!) who always
seem to appear at the right moment to help you out!
I am very lucky to have one of these in Bali. His name is
Putu (not my husband, a namesake). He first appears as I am
wandering about outside my previous dwelling in Campuhuan,
Ubud, wondering how the hell I am going to get myself rapidly
to Tabanan in the run-up to my wedding (my cab hasn’t
turned up). Suddenly a figure appears out of nowhere (the
bushes??) walking towards me and asks if I need help. He takes
me speedily to Tabanan and has been magically helping ever
since! A couple of months ago, he appears at my side just
as my car is thinking about catching fire, and rescues me,
ferries me to the mechanic! God bless you, Putu! May more
angels like you come!
Finding Your Angels
Finding your angels is not difficult. All you have to do is…
ask! Angels are a part of the ‘great spirit’ –
the great gorgeous underlying tapestry of existence, all of
which is available to you if you can but open to it. So, invite
angels and guides into your life. Spirit is possessed of such
grace that it doesn’t want to impose on you. So it won’t
come and ‘bother’ you, unless you ask it to!
This is a principle that is described in many sacred writings,
and in the Bible as: ‘Seek and ye shall find, knock
and it shall be opened to you, ask and it shall be given…’
You have to ask!
How to ask? – just – ask! Mentally send out a
wish for angels, guides and all positive help to come to you,
now, and whenever you need it, please! It will surely come,
and in more ways than you could ever imagine.
Angels may appear as a bit of wisdom that comes to you in
a dream. Or, you may just hear them as a voice within you,
or sense their presence, feel their guidance. Part of the
task is simply ‘learning to listen’. Angels may
manifest in the form of a friend that appears just when you
need them, or as a leftover cake that a friend gives you after
a party, or a chance meeting that leads you to just what you
need…
Your thankfulness and appreciation of the good that comes
is another way of inviting more, too. It may even be that
you are incredibly blessed by angels already and that you
just haven’t noticed…
Be An Angel
Why not be an angel for someone else? (What a nice thing to
be!) Give a little helping hand where someone needs it. (Bonus:
good things always come back to the giver!)
Spirit Guides And Animals
Angels may appear as ‘power animals’ (or indeed,
may be sent by ‘Spirit’ in any form that is palatable
and acceptable to the person who needs them). This is the
‘native’ or ‘animist’ tradition where
animals are attributed with various characteristics, and impart
related wisdom and lessons.
An excellent input for this if you want to find out more,
is the ‘Medicine Cards’ tarot cards and book by
Jamie Sams and David Carson (St. Martin’s Press). Fifty-two
animals stalk this deck – from the innocent playfulness
of ‘Porcupine’ to the unknown mystery of ‘Black
Panther’. I’ve been working with these recently
and love the simplicity and directness of the insights they
give.
The tradition states that are nine totem animals that work
with each of us, and again, you just need to invite them in
to make them come.
Christmas puddings are bubbling away on the stove. Rough cut
paper chain, our daughter’s handiwork, hangs on the
door. And on top of the tree is an angel we made from scraps
of felt, pipecleaners, and sequins. May many angels sparkle
in your life this season!
NEXT ISSUE: Paper, Bamboo and String – the wondrous
kites of Bali
Jeli Lala created the ‘Ashram of Spiritual Jewellery
and Art’ at no. 1, Sukma St., Tebesaya, Ubud, with her
husband, Putu S. She has studied yoga and many other spiritual
practices for more than ten years. She writes “As a
life-long artist, I’ve been exploring my inner world
since I was a child. In this column, I will share some of
my personal experiences and spiritual methods – hopefully,
you’ll find this interesting, and maybe it will give
some ideas for your own journey”.
Jeli welcomes comments and may be contacted on:
Email: jelila@jelila.com
Website: www.jelila.com or www.imagine-retreats.com
