Love - how to do it, be it, without even really trying
Life is but a dream
Something really amazing is happening – have you noticed?
People all around me are contacting past loves, or people
that they have an issue with, and healing the old wounds,
in wonderful ways.
Speaking to a friend about an important relationship I had
when I was twenty-three, she says ‘you could contact
him!’ Funny how that never occurred to me!
So I do. It only takes two days to find him. And
from first txts of ‘hi how ru’ I think ‘sod
it’ and dive in and risk something like: ‘I was
devastated when you left. I loved you so much.
Why did you do it? I am so sorry...’ And
in return receive a HUGE gift, discovering that all the love
is still there, has in fact been there all the time.
He never stopped loving me, still does, and I have felt cut
off and lost from him all this time (twenty years) thinking
he stopped loving me when in fact he never did! A huge
weight lifts from me, and I feel so grateful!
Is there anyone you feel cut off or lost from that perhaps
you could contact and heal?
Discourse on Lurve
Some time ago, I wrote a ‘discourse on love’ –
a list of how different parts of myself feel about ‘love’.
Here it is:
Sensual: well it’s about touching kissing and
feeling nice. Feeling sexy and being sexual and passionate.
Being and feeling satisfied. It’s the process
of allowing a man to make love to you and receiving that as
a woman. It’s about being sexual and womanly in
return and giving back as an enchantress or seductress.
(Men, fill in how it is for you!)
Child: it’s about being together on a beach and
playing. Holding hands, running in the wind, playing,
dancing, enjoying music...
Artist: It’s about creating something together.
Making a beautiful garden maybe, or even a business.
About travelling and going somewhere together. Cooking,
making music.
Feminine: it’s about enjoying the interaction
of male and female and really revelling in it. Enjoying
the differences and bridging the gap.
Provider: it’s about providing. It’s
about building something that will last longer than a lifetime.
It’s about having children together. It’s
about houses and where you live and having nice things around
you and having enough money.
Mother: It’s about having babies. Lots of them!
And really enjoying the process with someone who enjoys the
process too and is fully involved. It’s about
loving children and being loved in return.
Baby: It’s about being held, and just loved unconditionally.
Scary: It’s about protection. It’s
about being looked after and provided for. Not having
to think about anything. Being cared for and cossetted
in front of a warm fire. Not being responsible for anything
at all. Just relaxing into a net of warmth. (Health
warning: do not give up your responsibilities!
This is a bit of myself I am not particularly proud of!
Though I wrote this list a while ago and pray I may have improved!)
Inner Artistic Male: It’s about really connecting
with someone on a deep level, a soul level. It’s
wordless communication where you don’t need to talk,
you can just be. And it’s about being with someone
even if it isn’t easy, or especially then, and just
allowing them to be who they are, completely accepting them
in the moment for whatever that is. And being known
and accepted in return.
Magician: it’s about the juncture, the junction where
we get back together with the opposite sex. No separation.
It’s tantra, waves of bliss, ritual and magic, celebration!
Higher Self: It’s about being all of who you are.
It’s about discovering all of who you are, through another
person or persons who show you the lost parts of yourself.
It’s about healing, about helping the other person to
recover lost parts of themselves as well. It’s
a process of growth where you are both developing, supporting,
and challenging each other so that you can reach a new level
both individually and as a relationship. It’s
the highest thing there is.
I think all of these angles on love are valid. Maybe
we need to satisfy all of them, at different times, in different
ways. (It’s important to satisfy all the different
parts of ourselves, not leave any aspects out, otherwise resentments
start creeping in, and then a certain ‘inner character’
might take over the show, do something reckless. This
is when we say we are acting ‘out of character’!
Really we should say we are acting ‘in character’
perhaps!)
What is ‘a good relationship?’
In western terms ‘a good relationship’ may just
mean ‘a long one’. We tend to measure the
quality of our relationships by how long they last.
Yet, look back at some of your relationships, the significant
encounters that have affected you, and notice the length...
One of my most significant relationships, that taught me so
much, only lasted a month! We think of relationships
as ‘a failure’ when they end, but I think it would
be better to think of them as ‘a journey’.
‘Oh, this person travelled with me to...here, and on
the way we... ‘ Perhaps the wisest journey, too, is
one where you look at your feet and make a fresh decision
on direction with every step! Surely this is the way
to end up where you really want to get to? Rather than
setting the destination, blindly tramping there, then at the
peak exclaiming ‘shit! I’m in the wrong
place!’ In a similar vein, I want to re-write
the fairy stories, or at least add a bit onto the usual ending
thus: ‘I want to live happily ever after... EVERY DAY!’
A relationship prayer...
Oh God let me have the courage to be myself
To say the things that need to be said, in the moment
Without fear of consequences
Let me show who I really am
And be open to seeing the other person as they are, or might
be, and reflect that back
Let me open to receive the gifts that are being offered
And have the joy of offering my gifts in return without any
expectation
Let me be a ‘fool for love’ – give me the
courage to say just what I think and feel, what I want and
need, honestly, always, however daft it seems.
Let me love unconditionally, just giving.
Let me be ‘in the moment’, however it is
And save me from the hell of the ‘head trip’ so
I can enjoy what ‘is’ and not make myself suffer
about what ‘might be’
Oh God! Let me know the joy of not judging!
And if I am really blessed, let me know the joy of not being
judged –unconditional love.
May there sometimes be fun with squishy mangoes.
And let me enjoy the journey, one step at a time, living ‘happily
ever after’ every day!
How to be love
Flirt with everybody and everything, man, woman, baby, grandmother,
leaf, dog, bird...
Notice the incredible beauty of a flower and feel the connection
with yourself
Really taste orange juice (or, anything!)
Get excited and passionate about something that moves you.
Express it!
Laugh! Sing! Dance! Celebrate! Wear
a red nose!
Enjoy touch, massage, the feel of velvet, a peach
Reach out for somebody. Take a risk. Be a glorious
fool. There are no mistakes in love, only experiences.
The only real mistake is in refusing to play...
Joy juice
In a spirit of giving and foolery, I have invented something
called ‘joy juice’. It is for one to two
people, lasts for ten minutes, and is kind of described by
the ‘how to be love’ paragraph above. It
is free. Happens at Ashram, subject to my availability/energy!
Call to book, or catch me if you can! (part of ‘joy
juice’ is – can you catch it!)
Jeli Lala created the ‘Ashram of Jewellery and Art’
– Gifts, Crystals, Tarot, Art, Healing, Café
- at no. 1, Sukma St., Tebesaya, Ubud (opposite Jazz Café),
with husband, Putu S. She has studied yoga and other
spiritual practices for over ten years. She writes “In
this column, I share some of my personal experiences and spiritual
methods – hopefully, you’ll find this interesting,
and maybe it will give some ideas for your own journey.
Come visit!”
Jeli welcomes comments and may be contacted on:
Email: jelila@jelila.com
Website: www.jelila.com or www.imagine-retreats.com
