Loving in New Ways - Discovering a new form of relating
So many of you seemed inspired when I last wrote about love!
I have been hearing stories about people reconnecting and
healing past relationships. One person wrote: “I
bumped into two of my most important boyfriends from way back
within half an hour of each other! One I hadn’t spoken
to out of pride for six years, now he’s back in my life
as a very good friend and it’s like magic. I just wanted
to tell you...”
This time I want to tell you about David Deida, a visionary
who writes and teaches about love and sacred sexuality in
an inspiring and funny yet ‘in yer face’ way.
Here’s my interpretation:
A Brief History Of Relating
First Stage Relationship: In the beginning was the caveman,
making all the decisions and wanting his dinner on the table.
His dependent partner, the archetypal ‘50’s housewife’
brandishing her Hoovamatic. One person totally in the
masculine, one totally in the feminine.
Second Stage Relationship: ‘Women’s Lib’
happened in the seventies, and women effectively liberated
not women, but their masculine side – becoming self
directing, getting into ‘doing’ and making the
decisions -‘If a man can’t give me what I want,
I’ll get it myself!’ Meanwhile, men wandered
off into the forest, looking at flowers, drumming, getting
in touch with their feminine. So then we get the woman
doing stuff, and the man feeling stuff. This is where most
of us are at the moment. 2nd Stage relating tends to
be negotiation: ‘you wash up and I’ll give you
a back rub’. The underlying aim is ‘getting
what you want’. Ultimately, unsatisfying?
Third Stage Relationship: Each partner has a well developed
masculine and feminine. Their motivation is to discern
what their partner needs, more sensitively than the partner
can themselves, and to serve their partner in that.
Also to keep each other’s energy open. There is
almost total trust – the woman trusts the man to guide
her and create plans for her that are more beautiful and amazing
than anything she could ever come up with on her own.
And he does. The man trusts the woman to know when he
is ‘off purpose’ – has strayed from his
life mission, and to let him know, so he can get back on track.
And she does. Relating becomes a beautiful, joyous giving
thing. Artful.
The Essence of Woman
We come from and return to, pure love. Suspended in
light and love, before birth, we pop out into the world, which
may be thought of as a ‘playground of experience’.
A place where rather than just hanging in love in a rather
abstract way, we get to experience it so we can know what
love is, and what it is not. The essence of women is
light, and love. So women’s ‘life theme’
if you like, is – ‘He LOVES me! He loves
me NOT! He LOVES me...’ and so on. (Smile
if this resonates with you or your women friends!) The
job of women then, is to acknowledge that we naturally have
this ‘wallpaper’ of uncertainty running in the
background, and to REMAIN OPEN.
So, even while feeling ‘arrgh! Why hasn’t he phoned’
etc. we remain open, loving him. Now, the 2nd Stage
relating response to that might be (wail!) ‘but I might
get hurt!’ The 3rd stage response to the wail
might be ‘well, if you don’t give your love, you’re
stuck with it, aren’t you? It sits with you, doing
nothing. Why not just give it, anyway? We are
only on the planet for a mere blip, everything ends, everything.
Why not just live in this moment and give your love?’
The way in which the feminine connects with God, and expresses
her feminine essence, is by dancing ecstatically, enjoying
delicious food, adorning herself, artistic and relaxing pursuits.
The feminine is ‘somethingness’. Hence the
full closets...
About Men
The masculine is about doing. So his theme is ‘what
can I can do now?’ Comes home early from the party
to do more work. His purpose is the most important thing
in his life. Finding it and fulfilling it. The
way the masculine connects with God is to rest in pure consciousness,
through meditation for example. The masculine is ‘nothingness’
or pure consciousness. That’s why watching TV
is comfortable for him.
What they give each other (3rd Stage)
The man gains ‘feeling’ from the woman.
He is pure consciousness, he needs her radiance, her feeling
connection to light, spirit, energy. Otherwise life
is all a bit cold and goal oriented for him. From him,
she receives guidance, action, he designs their path.
And he gives her his loving presence – effectively,
consciousness. When he is with her, he beams his complete
attention on her, which feels so delicious to her. Their highest
purpose in relationship is to open each other to God –
she becomes light and love, the goddess, while she helps him
achieve his soul purpose and will accept nothing less.
How to attract a 3rd Stage Man. Practise for women.
Projecting towards a trustable man, or the trustable part
of a man. Open your heart, from deep within, silently
request ‘take me, I want you, I’m yours!’.
Try looking in the mirror and watch yourself light up!
Or practise with male friends and get feedback. 3rd
Stage Practise for Men. Practise being fully present
with a friend as he hits your arm every time your attention
wanders.
I encourage you to try www.deida.com There’s downloadable
info, and books/tapes, workshops. You may find his language
and style confronting, (I also warn you that sex is to the
fore - don’t be put off – he fruitily says the
unsayable, and I assure you he has much of value to offer.
His tapes especially give many examples and discussions which
make his ideas much clearer than I can do justice to here!
I wish you joy in trusting, opening, and loving!
NEXT ISSUE: Galvanising The Goddess
Jeli Lala is an intuitive visionary with a playful and creative
approach to healing. Her gifts of channeling light and information
from other realms and her loving sensitivity have helped many
people along their path to wholeness. Her healing space,
Ashram, is at no. 1, Sukma St., Tebesaya, Ubud (Opp. Jazz
Café.) Ashram also carries crystals and inspiring
gifts. Tel: 081 239 43354
Jeli welcomes comments and may be contacted on:
Email: jelila@jelila.com
Website: www.jelila.com or www.imagine-retreats.com
