I first came to Bali on a two week holiday. I arrived
somewhat weary from corporate life in the UK: nice flat, great
job, lovely friends... but – something missing!
Looking at my passport photo from that time, I really look
like a guy! Very short hair, square jaw, business jacket...
Perhaps the thing that was missing was my femininity.
In Bali I was struck by the innate spirituality of the people,
their grace, and also their natural creativity. Somehow,
everything here just seems to flow, and I decided to stay.
So I went home to the UK, let go of my life there, and returned
to Bali about a month later. This felt really scary
at times – I was letting go of a very good job, leaving
my flat, my friends. When the fear became overwhelming
I would ring my friend Jacqueline for reassurance, and then
continue with my moving plans again!
When I arrived in Bali, and perhaps because it is such a feminine
island, I suddenly found I wanted to be more feminine, too.
I could no longer bear my short cut! So the smiling
ladies at Milano’s in Ubud deftly wove horsehair and
ribbons into my own hair, sticking it with batik wax and fashioning
a slightly unorthodox version of hair extensions. Sometimes
a seemingly whimsical change of one’s appearance is
actually an important way of signaling an inner change.
This was the beginning of a journey to become more feminine,
leaving the masculine westernised version of myself behind,
and becoming softer, more receptive, more... Balinese.
How could you change the way you look in order to express
an inner change you would like to make?
All the time I have been in Bali, and before, I have diligently
kept up my journaling. This is one of the most powerful transforming
techniques I know. I have a wall of books filled with
scribblings! Just writing down whatever is in the head,
from the practical (‘must do the laundry’) to
the emotional (‘feeling a bit uncertain today..’)
to the factual (a shopping list). Getting it onto the page
enables great objectivity, and perspective.
Little drawings go into the book too, and in Bali, I found
it was easy to have these made in sterling silver. This
was the beginning of the healing jewellery that I now sell
in my shop. I had always wanted to be a jewellery designer,
but in the UK the route is via silversmithing and I never
wanted to do the making myself. In Celuk, Bali’s
silver centre, I found craftspeople who could understand my
designs and make exactly what I wanted. So inspiring!
Bali is really the perfect place for realising creative projects.
There can be few things more transforming than living in a
radically different culture. At first I really struggled,
getting frustrated at the slowness of pace in Bali, irritated
with language misunderstandings... Until gradually I began
to learn from and admire the gentle Balinese, their tolerance,
their supreme self control, their refinement. Shame
is something that is quite prevalent in Western culture.
Something happened to me in Bali that just kind of blew all
that away for me. A family drama had occurred, leaving
me out in the street needing help. In the UK, we’d
pretend it wasn’t happening, try to cover it up, afraid
of ‘what the neighbours might think’! Not
in Bali – my father in law waded straight in and appealed
to a group ofbystanders. Far from judging, they transformed
into an instant ‘help team’ – all giving
creative suggestions to find the best way forward. I
was so inspired by this – there was no judgement, just
loving help. My ideas about shame suddenly just blew
away on the wind and from that moment I couldn’t really
care what people know about me. I have few if any secrets.
Maybe what I learned in that moment was how not to judge myself.
In Bali, I also came into contact with Amana Virani, an inspiring
spiritual teacher, who usually visits once a year. I
have attended many of her classes in powerful forms of shamanic
and metaphysical healing, including Light Language Grids –
a means of manifesting what we really desire, and Matrix Activation,
which gets us in touch with our original soul contracts and
life purpose. This knowledge has inspired me and given
me confidence to begin sharing what I have learned by giving
crystal and sound healing. Now I am joining with practitioners
of reiki, shiatsu, reflexology, tarot, and more, both Balinese
and Western, to offer different kinds of healing through Ashram
in Ubud. Hopefully this will help others on their path.
There is no destination – only the journey, day by day.
I feel, and look, and seem, very different now from when I
first arrived in Bali. I have recovered my femininity,
become free of shame, and I hope, learned a modicum more tolerance
and grace! I hope being in Bali is a healing and learning
journey for you too!
NEXT ISSUE: Feelings. How to get in touch with
them, express them, be who you really are.
Jeli Lala is an intuitive visionary with a playful and creative
approach to healing. Her gifts of channeling light and information
from other realms and her loving sensitivity have helped many
people along their path to wholeness. Her healing space,
Ashram, is at no. 1, Sukma St., Tebesaya, Ubud (Opp. Jazz
Café.) Ashram also carries crystals and inspiring
gifts. Tel: 081 239 43354
Jeli welcomes comments and may be contacted on:
Email: jelila@jelila.com
Website: www.jelila.com or www.imagine-retreats.com
