Sometimes we are very hard on ourselves. Much harder on ourselves than we would be on others. There we are, being sensitive to other people, giving them empathy, support and understanding, but how much of that are you able to give to yourself?
If you make a mistake, do you forgive yourself? If you feel down, do you give yourself support? How good are you at nurturing your own needs, practical, emotional, spiritual? Try this exercise to measure your loving yourself quotient:
Exercise
Write down the ten things that brought you most joy in the past year. This can be very revealing! Now note when you last did them. You may find the very thing you love most is not part of your life! This exercise is also very helpful in guiding you towards priorities and choices.
Some of my clients who have the most difficulty in giving to themselves are in fact punishing themselves. This is often because of a failure to ‘forgive the parent’. For example, because there is anger at their father for his behaviour, the person creates unhappiness, stress and sickness in their own life and then blames it on the parent. ‘Look at me Daddy! I’m unhappy! And it’s YOUR fault!’ is the message. Obviously the person who is really being punished is the unhappy one, so if this is you, make an effort to forgive your parents, accept that they were doing their best for you at the time, and let it go. You don’t have to contact them necessarily to do this, and try just being ‘willing to forgive’. It is very powerful and not so hard to do! Let go of the blame and free yourself from the need to suffer. Then get on and do the things that you really enjoy!
My clients often ask ‘what is my path? Am I doing the right thing?’ The truth is, there is no ‘right’ thing. And the true path unfolds naturally one step at a time. The only way to follow the path is to put one foot in front of the other, going towards something that pleases you! Use your natural attraction towards things to guide you every step of the way. That way, when you ‘arrive’ somewhere, you will have enjoyed the journey. Which of course, IS the arrival! People often seem to think that ‘the path is supposed to be a struggle’ like there has to be an angel behind you pushing you up a mountain. However, your true path is always going to be something that you absolutely love. In fact, your true path is likely to be the very thing that you enjoy most in the world. That is, your PASSION!! If possible, do ONLY the things that you adore. And nothing else. Ditch the shoulds and go for the wants. I mention this because this feeling that one ‘should’ be doing something that one does not ‘want’ to do, trips a lot of people up. They struggle in their lives and don’t do what they really want. Part of loving yourself is allowing yourself to do what you really enjoy. Whatever you genuinely want. However illogical it may seem! However your friends may protest! However difficult it may be to admit! Never mind, do what you want. This is a great and true way of loving yourself. And of finding and following your true path at the same time. It’s a win/win.
Another way in which people fail to express their love for themselves is in a kind of spiritual and physical meanness in providing the things that are needed. For example, comfortable enjoyable clothes, delicious food, travel, healthcare, rest and relaxation. Consider how you treat yourself for a moment. If you had yourself for a lover, would you feel satisfied in the relationship? Or would you feel neglected and let down? What could you do now to give yourself the very best care, attention, and love? Remember, our first relationship is with ourself. In fact, all our relationships emanate from how we treat ourselves, and then how we treat others. Do you get that one – if you want loving happy relationships, then treat yourself and others well. Have a go at making every interaction with yourself and others sacred. Imagine how they felt after that interaction with you. As you walk away, is it a good feeling? Or bad? This is the trail you are leaving behind you and the one that will come back to you in what you receive in your relationships.
This is so powerful and will transform your relationships, your interaction with the world, and your relationship with yourself. And if you imagine it as a ripple it really does have the ability to change the world. Let the love vibration start with you. Celebrate who you are, give yourself treats, care, love, attention and nurturing. And then extend that out to others and see what happens. Bless you and the beautiful world you are creating for all of us in every moment.
NEXT ISSUE: Gratitude
Jelila is a gifted natural intuitive based in Seminyak. She sings you back to health and harmony using her heavenly voice and the natural vibration of crystals. Contact: The Holistic Centre (behind Dijon, Kuta Roundabout): 0361 766259.
Jelila welcomes comments and may be contacted on:
Email: jelila@jelila.com
Website: www.jelila.com or www.imagine-retreats.com
