Have you had one of those frustrating relationships where you moon over someone like a puppydog as they run ever further from your clutching fingers? Or are you someone who attracts puppydogs, panting after you, as they make you run a mile? Read on and discover what causes it, and how you can transform it, so that happy fulfilling relationships are possible.
Puppydog/distancer are two sides of the same coin, and most people in this pattern will express both kinds of behaviour in their relationships, swinging from one to the other. In one relationship, you’re the puppy. In another, you’re the distancer. Where any wildly polarised behaviour is in evidence, it is always a clear sign that a sub-conscious negative belief underlies the problem. Uncover and clear the belief, and the situation comes into balance and harmony, and the wild swings stop.
Our beliefs are the sum total of our learning, our wisdom from this and many lifetimes. However, sometimes we pick up a negative one – for example, ‘I’m not worthy’. Because such a belief is painful, we shove it into our subconscious mind, where we no longer know about it (we’ve hidden it) however it remains active as part of our being, and attracts situations that reflect that truth.
A client, we’ll call him Paul, had a problem with puppydog/distancer relationships. He was being hotly pursued by Jane, whom he found uninteresting, and in turn, he was strongly pursuing Susan, who was distancing from him! Exploring with Paul, he said ‘I feel I’m uninteresting, boring, why should my friends want to know me, I have nothing to offer!’ This was the ‘aha’ – it was true for him ‘I have nothing to offer’ – a statement of considerable worthlessness and self-negation.
So. The logic of the mind goes like this. Paul thinks ‘this puppydog girl, Jane, is pursuing me. However, I have nothing to offer. I am valueless. Therefore, if she wants me, and feels I have value, she must be wrong, and therefore, she is valueless too. (So he is repelled). If Jane manages to overcome his boundaries, and show him something of himself that is of value – for example, she admires his ability at tennis, and he can’t deny that – he will run a mile, because she is challenging his truth about himself, (that he is valueless) so it is very uncomfortable for him.
On the other side, where Paul is in hot pursuit of Susan, and she runs a mile, the reverse logic is true. Paul thinks: ‘this woman does not want me. Therefore she has correctly surmised I am valueless. Therefore she must have value. Therefore I want her!’ This is all sub-conscious.
Usually all the players in these kinds of relationships have the same belief that they are valueless. It is a lose/lose situation, because neither couple can ever get it together! The game goes on… and on…
The answer to the truism ‘why do the people I fancy never seem to fancy me?’ is ‘because you believe you have nothing to offer!’
How to change it. Use this process to acknowledge, embrace, and surrender the belief, which turns it off, permanently. Simply say out loud:
‘
I choose to believe I have nothing to offer. I love myself when I believe I have nothing to offer. And I embrace it, I surrender. *
As you say the belief, feel how you feel when you have that belief. As you embrace it, imagine you are embracing a crying three year old. As you surrender, acknowledge you had the belief, and let go. Drink lots of water. Take rest after.
You may also wish to repeat the process above on each of the following negative beliefs:
I hate myself. I don’t like myself.
I don’t like myself very much.
I’m not good enough.
Nothing I do is ever good enough
I’m not lovable. I’m a nobody
I’m useless. I’m no good.
I’m not worth it (this subtle belief creates being unable to accept ‘value’ from others (gifts, etc), and being mean to yourself.)
These ones are also good to clear to pave the way for a happy relationship:
- Good things can’t last.
- It’s not possible for me to have a lasting happy relationship
with a wonderful woman (man).
- Every woman (man) I love is going to leave me.
- I miss my mummy (daddy).
When we had finished clearing the beliefs for my client, I asked whether he felt he could have a happy lasting relationship. He beamed from ear to ear, and said he felt he could have one now.
Keep on runnin… running from my a-r-ms… some day I’m gonna make you m-i-n-e… make you understand… I’m gonna be yo…
Jelila is an internationally renowned healer, now in Bali offering individual energy healing, past life healing, sub-conscious negative belief clearing, workshops.
At: The Holistic Healing Centre, Kuta (Behind Dijon at Kuta Poleng E-1, Kuta Roundabout.) Book now: 0361 766259 Jelila: 081 239 43354 w: www.jelila.com (see full healing menu online) e: jelila@jelila.com.
Jelila welcomes comments and may be contacted on:
Email: jelila@jelila.com
Website: www.jelila.com or www.imagine-retreats.com
