If you suffer from the ‘inner critical voice’,
then this article is for you! It explains the cause,
and how to heal it. Enjoy!
We all have different ‘characters’ within us –
parts of our personality that have become separate.
A common example of identities is a pair I call ‘Domineering
Father’ and ‘Hurt Girl’.
These two do not go well together, when you are in relationship!
If your masculine side includes Domineering Father then you
may unwittingly act like a domineering bully to your partner.
If your partner is in an identity of Hurt Girl – the
vulnerable, hurt child, who never got the love she wanted,
then it causes big relationship problems – one person
bullying, the other getting hurt.
Usually the person in Hurt Girl gets very scared, and runs
away, until the person enacting Domineering Father learns
to moderate their behaviour, and start acting like ‘Loving
Father’ instead. (Alternatively, if you are the
bully, consider flipping into Hurt Girl yourself and empathise,
or go into Child (or try any identity that isn’t Domineering
Father to relate with them). Both partners usually express
both identities, and keep on ‘doing it to each other’
until they heal it.
A woman can play the Domineering Father identity, when she
expresses her Masculine side. A man can play Hurt Girl
when he is in his Child or Feminine side.
Identities get created when we have a judgement – we
feel a part of us is wrong, so we cut it off and make it separate.
The judgement that causes Domineering Father is ‘there
must be something wrong with me’.
Meditation on Domineering Father
Take a deep breath, and connect with your inner Masculine
– your active, doing, thinking side. Ask that
part of you - do I believe ‘there must be something
wrong with me?’ If you find you do, acknowledge,
embrace and surrender to it, love yourself as you are.
Acknowledge it’s ok to feel wrong. Forgive. Allow.
Gently return to the room.
This teeny belief has a huge effect. The inner Masculine,
feeling ‘wrong’ and being very threatened by that,
won’t own that feeling, and instead, projects it onto
the inner Feminine, trying to make her feel wrong! This
is the origin of Domineering Father – the bully who
is always trying to prove he is right by making everyone else
feel wrong. The bullying starts on the inner level between
the inner masculine and feminine – creating huge conflict
within, and then is reflected outwards, in our relationships.
The inner feminine feels strangled, unable to express herself,
angry, frustrated, and ends up doubting herself. She
becomes afraid that ‘there must be something wrong with
me’ (otherwise, why would this inner character keep
beating me up?)
Heal this on an inner level, and watch your relationships
transform around you!
Playing With Identities
When someone says ‘I’m in two minds about that’
they are talking about their identities. They literally
are in two minds! When someone acts ‘out of character’,
they have flipped identity on you. When you experience
someone as inconsistent, or even, as a liar, then they have
flipped identity. One part of the personality does not
always know what the other part thinks and feels (or, has
agreed to!)
When relating, we all have certain identities that match each
other, and some that clash. Becoming more aware enables
greater choice and refinement in relating. As each identity
has different priorities, feelings, values, and beliefs, it
really is like relating to a different person when you relate
to a different identity within someone!
To give an example of how identities can work, imagine I am
meeting my friend Dominque, another healer. We are discussing
creating a healing fair. We start in our Feminine, dreaming
how it could be. ‘In France?’ Dom muses.
‘What about Glastonbury?’ I add. Having
designed our vision, we go into the Masculine to talk about
costs, plans, arrangements and budget. ‘Do you
think we can get the drinks sponsored?’ I ask.
Then I flip into Child ‘hey, we could have little picnic
baskets and a tea party!’ and Dom giggles, and responds,
in Child ‘yes, whee, and let’s dress up the kids
as fairies!’. Next we go into Witch to talk about
some healing products we might cook up together. Then
we go into the Feminine and get excited about decorating the
tent with swirly rainbow silk and creating wonderful music.
Identities work, when we match each other. However, if I flip
into Child and start talking about tea parties, when Dom is
in Masculine, discussing budget, then a mismatch of communication
can occur (unless Dom is flexible enough to flip into Child
as well, and then bring it back to Masculine after).
All identities have merits and demerits – all have a
positive higher goal for you, and certain limitations.
Get to know them by dialogueing with them. Think of them as
being your ‘inner football team’ – you want
to get the best from all of them - and get them all heading
for the same goal!
NEXT ISSUE: Healing Birth Experiences
Jelila is an internationally renowned intuitive healer, offering
energy, sound, and crystal healing, past life healing, negative
belief clearing, workshops for health, wealth, and happiness.
Please see website for full healing menu, packages, and schedule,
including July workshops in Singapore.
Jelila is in Bali for the last week each month – next
from June 25th - 30th – please call Holistic Centre
to book. Sessions in Singapore otherwise on +65 9715
4221 (hp) and by phone.
Please call The Holistic Healing Centre 0361 766259 to book,
or Jelila on 081 239 43354.
Jelila welcomes comments and may be contacted on:
Email: jelila@jelila.com
Website: www.jelila.com or www.imagine-retreats.com
