If you have ever been involved in a love triangle this article
is for you. Non-exclusive relationships, where more than two
people are involved, are complex and here I will explain some
of the causes, and what you can do about it. This is in response
to some baffled queries from readers. I’m not making
non-exclusive relationships wrong, by the way, merely aiding
you to be there from choice, not compulsion!
Creating an exclusive relationship with yourself
Before you can have an exclusive relationship with someone
else, you must first have one with yourself. Relflect on the
extent to which others have a claim or hold on you. Do you
feel obligated to your family? Friends? Partners? Do they
own a piece of you? Is it hard to say ‘no’?
This means you do not feel you have exclusive rights to yourself.
Fix this, and you are then able to attract (and even understand)
your right to an exclusive relationship with another, if you
desire it.
Use the process below to change the following two beliefs,
first complete one, then the other:
1. I won’t have an exclusive relationship with myself
2. I will have an exclusive relationship with myself+
After, you may feel a sense that you suddenly own the space
you occupy. It gives you back to yourself. There is a sense
of relief! The beliefs about ‘possessing’ and
‘owning’ yourself also enable you to ‘possess
and own’ a partner yet in an open way. They stop you
feeling ‘possessive’ too. So do those as well.
How non-exclusive relationships occur
Usually, one partner wants out, but the other refuses to let
them go. The old relationship and the new connection continue
together. I suggest you clear the beliefs and then review
how you feel.
How to change a feeling or belief:
To change a negative feeling or belief, simply embrace, acknowledge,
and surrender to it, which reverses it . The process* is to
say out loud:
“I choose to believe (I won’t have an exclusive
relationship with myself). I love myself when I believe (I
won’t have an exclusive relationship with myself) and
I embrace it, I surrender.”
As you say the belief, feel how you feel when you have the
belief. As you embrace it, imagine you are hugging a crying
child, and as you surrender, acknowledge and let go. You only
need do it once, for each belief. Drink lots of water, and
rest after.
+2 stage process. For all these, clear the belief first with
‘I won’t’, and repeat with ‘I will’.
For the ‘dual’ partner person
If you are the one with two partners, and you feel stuck in
that, here are some beliefs to free you (if you wish!) Having
two relationships tends to avoid intimacy and saves you from
knowing yourself too deeply. Usually you choose this because
of a deep subconscious fear of discovering something bad deep
within you. Just know that... there isn’t anything that
bad deep within you!
I’m bad/wrong/illicit/double
I’m not meant to be here
I feel guilty for being here
I’m not comfortable with myself
I’m not present with myself
I absent myself from myself
I’m sitting on the fence, I’m dragging my feet
Change, freedom equals fear
Depth, intimacy equals danger, discomfort
I don’t trust myself, I doubt myself
I’m not enough for myself
I disapprove of myself
I’m afraid of knowing all of myself
I feel unsafe, I cling to myself
I mustn’t get carried away
Relationship Meditation
Relax and imagine yourself drifting gently back to the time
your soul first came into your body. Be present with yourself
and welcome yourself. Embrace who you are. Accept who you
are. Know that there is nothing wrong with you and you are
invited to be here. Then gently drift back to the present.
‘Exclusive Relationship’ Beliefs
These are about having an exclusive relationship with yourself.
Use the process above and do these one by one:
1. I won’t let go of myself + 2. I will…
1. I won’t possess & own myself fully + 2. I will…
I’m afraid to love myself deeply in case I run out on
myself, betray myself, lose myself
I won’t involve myself with myself optimally
I make unrelenting demands on myself, I force myself
I’m not having the most wonderful love relationship
with myself
Exercise
Write down everything you don’t want about your present
relationship. Then reflect on it, and re-write it as what
you do want. Post this on your mirror.
Jelila is an internationally renowned intuitive healer, offering
energy, sound, and crystal healing, past life healing, negative
belief clearing, workshops for health, wealth, and happiness.
Packages available, please see website.
Jelila is in Bali From February 22nd-28th) and in Singapore
from February 1st - 21st.
Please call The Holistic Healing Centre 0361 766259 to book.
Jelila welcomes comments and may be contacted on:
Email: jelila@jelila.com
Website: www.jelila.com or www.imagine-retreats.com
