Respect your humble Crapper

If ever there was an invention that made life more comfortable it must be that contraption we all use every day and is widely attributed to Yorkshireman Thomas Crapper. In fact it was Sir John Harrington who invented the first flush toilet way back in 1596, he built one for Queen Elizabeth 1 (thronemakers to […]

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A Toxic Brew

Those immortal words from Coleridge’s “Rime of the Ancient Mariner” come back to me quite often these days. “Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink.” He was, of course, talking about being surrounded by sea water, a fate being suffered by more and more houses in Bali. Make no mistake we are facing […]

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Overcapitalisation – The Renovators Nightmare

In the island of the Gods the never ending cycle of regeneration continues unabated. “I have just moved to Bali now what should I do? I know, I’ll raise sheep, nothing like a woolly jumper to keep you warm on a winter’s night…….. Maybe not.” “I could start a mini market, not a lot of […]

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It’s The Water That Gets You

How safe is the water in Bali? I recently met a couple visiting Bali. The man was not happy, “I’ve got Bali belly” he said. “It must have been that warung we went to last night”. “It’s usually the water that gets you” I replied. Years ago I had learned the hard way. When I […]

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Masih Hidup

Electricity takes it’s name from the Latin “electrum” which in turn comes from the Greek “elektron” which, as we all know, means “amber”. “Amber?” I hear you think. Yes amber. You see the ancient Greeks had a habit of rubbing things and they noticed that if you rubbed amber with something furry (such as a […]

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Drips Anonymous

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against water, in fact I quite like it. But it is sneaky. We would be a bit stuffed without water wouldn’t we? For I start we would all be a bit smaller, about 90% smaller in fact. We’d be a bit dirty as well without a shower every […]

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Cathedra Toiletus Encephalopathy

A scream rent the air. “Wayaaaaaaaan” Wayan quietly carried on clipping some hibiscus in the nether regions of the garden hoping against hope that the sound was some cerebral aberration that had intruded itself into the serenity of his afternoon. “Wayan” the voice came again “where are you you useless piece of bile laiden nasal […]

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Mouldy Mumblings

Ever had a fridge you daren’t open? It hasn’t been cleaned out for a while and you can’t face those jars with the fetid contents you really don’t want to see, you shuffle around avoiding nasty things but then you open a mysterious plastic container to find a blue stilton that’s been there for two […]

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Wrinkly Feet

The phone rang. “I’ve got wrinkly feet,” he said. “Try wearing wellies,” I said. “I do wear wellies,” he said. “Does it happen when the tide comes in?” I said. “Yes,” he said, “…..and when the tide goes out.” “Try standing above the high water mark.” “I don’t know anything about that, I am three […]

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Japanese Water Pump Torture

All across the Bali we hear the twitter of the birds, the tinkle of gently flowing water and the soft clicking of the water pump. Some people don’t like the noise but not to worry, the big game hunters from the village will soon put a stop to those pesky birds with their airsoft guns. […]

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