Last night I was listening to John Gray who wrote the internationally acclaimed book: ‘Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.” He was one of the speakers on the ‘Art of Love’ series that I spontaneously signed up for as I’m always keen to hear new perspectives on relationships and gain wisdom about conscious loving. Gray had such deep insights into the workings of conscious relationships and explained the beautiful dance that men and women do. He shared that long ago, men were the hunters and provided sustenance for their families, while the women stayed home and offered nurturing and support to the family by taking care of the household chores, the children and of course cooking nourishing meals. Life was much simpler then with easily defined roles for men and women. Everything changed with the onset of WWII when most of the men had to go off to fight in the war while the women were left behind to fend for themselves. Women had no choice but to enter the workforce, where they discovered a whole new way of life — a life of freedom and independence which tasted so sweet that it was no longer all that appealing to be a traditional housewife. Something began to shift in the consciousness of women around the world. The idea of ‘feminism’ which was once a speck of sand or a microscopic particle floating around in their consciousness, had now grown to the size of a seed that was continuously evolving and would eventually blossom into something totally different and magical. Women everywhere began to wake up, as they began to understand that their hopes and dreams could be realized — that their lives had actually been in large part influenced by social conditioning which wasn’t their truth.
And so began the shift of consciousness about how women desired to be in partnership with their husbands or boyfriends. Many women experienced a deep yearning for more intimacy and connection; they wanted to be seen and heard by their partners in ways that they had never experienced before. The sexual revolution came next in the early 60’s and 70’s. We all know this story of burning bras, group sex, non monogamy and fighting for women’s rights. This came out of a reaction to all those centuries of female repression. This radical shift needed to occur in order to come back to the middle again. Now women are stepping into prominent roles in business, are financially independent, and know how to create an amazing life with or without a partner. There is no longer a need to have a man who will hunt for food or support them financially. Women instead are only choosing to be in relationships if the relationship will enhance their lives. This new paradigm is the beginning of ‘Conscious Partnerships.’
So what is a conscious partnership? This can be different for many women, but the essential ingredients are being with a partner that allows you to live your life on your own terms. A conscious partner will encourage you to fulfill your dreams and support you to be the best person you can be; he will not be threatened if you earn more money than he does or try to put you down so he can feel better about himself. As Gray said and I summarize: “A conscious man will know how to bring out the feminine aspect of a woman when she has swayed too far into her masculine side. Conversely, a conscious woman will bring out the masculine energies of a man when he has swayed too far to his feminine side.” There is a beautiful openness and vulnerability that conscious partners share which allows them to always honor one another and enhance each other’s lives.
There is much more depth in a conscious relationship, because the man and woman are committed to full disclosure even when it is difficult to share certain feelings or desires which they know may upset or in some way challenge their partner. It takes a great deal of courage to fully embrace a conscious partnership. However, I feel that when we choose this path, we discover something so much richer which enables us to experience a truly fulfilling relationship which offers a much deeper connection with our partners and ourselves.
Here are my top tips on what to look for in a conscious partner:
- Someone who is curious about life and strives to learn and experience new things with you as well as on their own.
- A partner who is really in to you and is interested in what you are creating in your life. S/he is the kind of person who loves to connect through soulful conversations.
- Someone who is committed to their own personal development and understands that this is a lifelong endeavor.
- A partner who is compassionate and empathetic — someone who will listen and stay present with you as you open your heart and share your dreams, cry or get angry.
- Someone who is not defensive or wants to blame you when things go wrong. Instead, he has the capacity to pause and reflect on how the two of you can peacefully work though the challenge that’s currently arising in your relationship.
- A partner who is able to live authentically, honestly and honorably. He strives to be the best person that he can be and treat others with kindness and respect.
And it goes without saying that what we desire in another is only possible when we embody those qualities in ourselves.
To all of you who have been following my column for a long time and for those who are new, thank you for your readership and for your willingness to open up to new and old ideas that have been presented in my past articles. I look forward to sharing more wonderful tools, interviews and insights with all of you in 2018 and beyond!
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Michele Cempaka has lived on Bali since 2002. She has been initiated as a Shaman and Reiki Master. She is also a certified Hypnotherapist and Transformational Coach. She offers a variety of trainings and retreats both on and off Bali which focus on personal empowerment and healing. For more information about her upcoming programs, please visit: www.spiritweaverjourneys.com. Copyright 2018 © Michele Cempaka