May 13, 2015


The Sponge Bob Movie, Sponge out of Water
Sponge Bob Square Pants is a cook in a Fast Food Diner in the town of Bikini Bottom, which is far beneath the sea, on the ocean’s floor. In the diner, Sponge Bob makes Krabby Patties, which are a delicious seafood burger. Plankton, the evil owner of a rival diner, steals the secret recipe to Krabby Patties so that he too can serve the popular treat. The quest to regain the secret formula takes Sponge Bob, and his friends, on a journey into the Past, the Future, and, the Parallel Universes. I wonder if the humor in this cartoon is just a little bit too sophisticated for children. But, maybe, kids are more savvy these days, and, they know a good piece of surrealism when they see one. Like the TV show, the animation is rather crude and elementary, but, when it is combined with live action, it becomes quite amusing. There is lots of color and movement. The cartoon will be terrific when viewed in 3D.

Jupiter Ascending*
This Sci-Fi movie is rather interesting to begin with. It takes many elements from contemporary UFO mythology, such as: ‘Greys’, ‘Alien Abduction’, and, ‘Crop Circles’; then, presents a somewhat reasonable explanation for them. However, after that, the movie quickly disintegrates into an absurd story about a Galactic War Lord, who is trying to control the manufacture and distribution of an elixir which allows eternal youth. It is all very stupid. Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum both give lackluster performances, as an Outer-Space Queen and a hybrid foot-soldier. It is probably best to ignore Eddie Redmayne’s over-the-top and campy rendition of the War Lord. Still, the movie is saved by some really stupendous special-effects. I have already diligently bookmarked the movie to be re-watched when it’s available in 3D.

Boy Meets Girl
In a small American town, a young man has been living as a woman. As he prepares for a sex change operation, he realizes that he knows nothing about female sexuality. With a willing local girl, he begins to explore female sexual responses. This little independent film contains some very frank and rather revealing discussions about ‘straight’, ‘gay’, and, ‘transgender’ sexual practices. The movie will be of most interest to the transsexual community.

Black or White*
In this courtroom drama, a battle takes place concerning a custody case over a young girl, who is shared by a white grandfather and a black grandmother. Kevin Costner and Octavia Spencer both give terrific performances, in this big-budget mainstream movie which contains some very frank and rather revealing discussions about racial discrimination in contemporary American society. The movie is well-written, produced, and, directed by Mike Binder.

Penguins of Madagascar
An Evil Genius Octopus has a secret serum, which will change all of the penguins in the world from cute and adorable into terrible horrible monsters. It is up to the Penguins of Madagascar to thwart the Evil Genius’ plans. This is another cartoon which might be too witty for its own good. The jokes come thick and fast, but, parents may enjoy them more than their children.

Mortdecai*
Johnny Depp plays an English art dealer who gets involved in the theft of an ‘Old Master’. Most of the comedy is forced and labored, particularly Johnny Depp’s interpretation of a British aristocrat, who appears to be inspired by the legendary British comedian Terry Thomas. In fact, with their dreadful English accents, all of the American actors in this English comedy are awful.

Paddington
I really don’t get this movie at all. But, I am an Australian. Not English. Based on a popular children’s book, this movie is something which only the English will completely understand. Paddington is a bear from Darkest Peru, who stows away on a boat to London. There he is taken in by a nice family. Meanwhile, a taxidermist, shoddily played by Nicole Kidman, wants to get her hands on him. The robot playing Paddington is more creepy than cuddly.

The Forger
John Travolta plays a renowned art forger. On his release from prison he has to paint a fake Claude Monet, to pay off a debt to a nasty criminal syndicate.

Residue
After an explosion in a large English city, toxic fumes make everyone act very peculiar. A photo-journalist then discovers a government conspiracy.

Alex Of Venice
When her husband suddenly leaves her, a Los Angeles environmental lawyer has to get her life in order. She sits around with her family discussing things.

Growing Up & Other Lies
Four New York Yuppie men take a day off. They visit famous landmarks in the city, and, then, sit around in fashionable bars and cafes discussing things.

3 Nights in the Desert
After many years, a once popular rock group comes back together for a dubious reunion. They sit around in a cabin in the desert discussing things.

See You in Valhalla
After the death of one of their members, a dysfunctional family comes back together for the funeral. They sit around the dinner table discussing things.

Skin Traffik
A vigilante killer-for-hire decides to destroy an awful gang of white slavers.

Assassin
A merciless killer-for-hire decides to destroy an awful gang of white slavers.

The Barber
The barber in a small American town turns out to be a notorious serial killer.

The Wedding Ringer*
A businessman provides groomsmen for bridegrooms who have no friends.

* Also available on Blu Ray.
# Also available in 3D.

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